The other day I was discussing a restaurant with a friend and she was telling me how it was her birthday when she went, so we started talking about different restaurant chains’ default birthday songs / chants.

     Then I got them all mixed up. So, if you work at a restaurant that participates in this “Sing a lame birthday song that isn’t ‘The Birthday Song'” ritual, I would just be thrilled if you’d send me the lyrics to the song and the name of the restaurant that is to blame. Or if you’d like to sing it to me in person and / or via a sound file or something suitably nerdy like that, then that is also allowed.

     I’ve put up my 100% uninteresting account of fiddling around with an arcade machine here. This is a work in prgress, mind. I plan on adding additional content that will be even MORE uninteresting!

     Quick story: I had just taken a shower and was walking past a TV to my room. The TV was on and no one was watching it. As I walked by, I totally got sucked into this soap opera that was on, but only for roughly 2 minutes. Some dude was pretending to forget an anniversary and his lady was getting all distressed and then he proposed marriage and I was like “Way to go, dude!” in my head and then I realized I was half naked and cheering on a guy on a soap opera, so I almost cried.

Three quick Barnes and Noble things:

  1. A little kid pooped his pants while standing right next to me the other day. Oh the smell. He even told his dad he had to go to the bathroom VERY BADLY, but the dad wasn’t having any of that, he was all busy thumbing through Foghat and Journey CD’s. After awhile the intense fumes wafted over to the F – J section and dad took junior to the boys room to ‘clean up.’
  2. I don’t care how meticulously organized your purse is, when you are done paying for something, please do not take an hour reorganizing your key /change pouch or alphabetizing your stamps. The person behind you hates you because you’re wasting their time, and I hate you because I have to stand there all awkward and watch you do it AND watch the person behind you hating you. Thank you.
  3. So there was this hippie guy with long hair and rose colored glasses (for real) sitting in one of the easy chairs next to this hippie looking girl. They have all these mysticism and universe meaning bullshit books spread out on the table in front of them. The long haired guy is pontificating on the meaning of life or some other such crap as only “guys who think just because they have long hair they are universe experts” can. He was doing these slow hand gestures to convey the very deep implications of his speech, and I was snickering at him. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, he removed his rose colored glasses, and started to put them on her in this really slow, gross, pseudo-sensual way. I wasn’t close enough to them to hear but I choose to believe he made some stupid comment about seeing things his way now or something lame like that. Then they left all smiling, because they were probably going to have hippie sex.

  4. Update! I’ve been informed that I spelled ‘hippie’ wrong above. It’s fixed now. You have my deepest apologies.

     So there is a Meijer superstore by my house. In the lobby of these superstores, there is often an area and / or bulliten board where patrons are encouraged to leave ads for things they are selling. There is some insane guy who frequents this Meijer and leaves insane ads on the board. Last October there was one that advertised “KNIFES, STUFANIMALES” and had his phone number. I took it with the intention of photographing it and putting it up here, but I lost it. At any rate, everytime I go there, he’s put up some new gem. Here is the one I found yesterday:

     I wonder if he gets people who buy both ‘prayers books’ AND ‘playboys magazine.’